Crofters
Ding Dong! The Convener is gone. Which old Convener? The Cunning Convener!
Ding Dong! The Cunning Convener is gone.
Wake up – sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Cunning Convener is gone. He’s gone where the goblins go,
The Isle of Coll. Yo-ho, let’s open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong’ the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Cunning Convener is gone!
Returning Officer
As Returning Officer, In the County of the Land of the Western Isles, I welcome you most regally.
Lawyer
But we’ve got to verify it legally, to see
Returning Officer
To see?
Lawyer
If he
Returning Officer
If he?
Lawyer
Is morally, ethic’lly
Crofter No.1
Spiritually, physically
Crofter No. 2
Positively, absolutely
Crofters
Undeniably and reliably Gone
Minister for Crofting
As Minister I must aver, I thoroughly examined him.
And he’s not only merely gone, he’s really most sincerely gone.
Returning Officer
Then this is a day of Independence for all the Crofters and their descendants
Lawyer
If any
Returning Officer
Yes, let the joyous news be spread The Cunning old Convener at last is gone!
Crofters
Ding Dong! The Convener is gone. Which old Convener? The Cunning Convener!
Ding Dong! The Cunning Convener is gone.
Wake up – sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Cunning Convener is gone. He’s gone where the goblins go,
The Isle of Coll. Yo-ho, let’s open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong’ the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Cunning Convener is gone!

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Image credit: The Wizard of Oz – Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Lyrics: Adapted from “Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead” by E.Y. Harburg.